Abusive Relationships

Today's topic is abuse.  I have a friend that is an abusive relationship that is staying with me right now, so I figured I would take the time to talk about it to you lovely ladies.

Abuse, whether physical or mental, is not normal, and all of you strong beautiful women deserve better than that.

I can be reached on facebook or here for anyone that needs to talk.

I love you all.

SHOW ME YOUR BOOBIES

 

Hi Everyone!

So, why am I on here today because Devin got really passionate about this because it's something that pisses her off.  Wearing short dress, or short skirts, or exposing your chest does not make you a slut.  For one thing, we need to eliminate those words.  It's ridiculous these words exist.  This whole concept of "showing skin" makes you a whore, or that you are dressing disrespectful, is annoying. 

When we came out of our mother's Nunu.  And yes, I just called it that because my best friend calls it that, and I think it's hilarious. We came out nakey.  No baby came out clothed.  That'd be just fucking weird.  Skin is part of nature, and when it comes to the female body, it get's ridiculous how much taboo we put on it.  So much taboo to the point that when we show some of it, people get shocked at seeing some cleavage. 

And who in the hell doesn't like seeing boobies?  Like who are you?  Even gay men like boobies!  Show your boobies more.  It's stupid that a man can go around without his shirt on and it be fine.  He has nipples.  But if I was take my shirt off, it'd be a problem.  Does a little extra fat, a little bump, make it inappropriate?

No.  It's because we put so much taboo on the woman's body.  We have made it this object that is so untouchable, and it's suppose to be sacred, and only shown to one man.  And we have to cover up.  By covering it up we are respecting ourselves.  And it's kind of ridiculous because it's just skin!  By me showing it and dressing how I want to dress does not say anything about my morals.  It doesn't say who I sleep with and even if it did, it's none of your business. 

It doesn't say anything about the person I am.  When did sex and being a bad person fall hand in hand?  How does having sex or dressing a certain a way harm anyone else?  Why is it that we down on women and tell them they look like sluts?  I just don't understand.  These words need to stop.  They are specifically for women.  Specifically to down on them.  And to keep us scared of our own bodies.

By doing this, telling us to watch what we wear, and ridiculing us for it, it makes us fearful of our own bodies. This is my body.  MY BODY.  I have the right to do with it as I please.  I can wear what I want.  I can walk around naked if I want.  It doesn't mean I'm a whore or slut.  It just means that I think I have some legs and a nice ass and I like showing them off.  I'm proud of my body. 

AND I LIKE BOOBIES!  I mean who doesn't?  I just don't understand.  They're pretty.  The female body is beautiful.  My coworker said the other day.  She's a female and she was talking about how she likes looking at women more than men.  The female body doesn't have to be overtly sexual.  And yet we make it that way. 

And what happens is women end up fearing their own bodies. We start thinking differently of ourselves because of how we look on the outside.  And it needs to stop.

I will tell you this.  I'm not saying that by us walking around naked we can eliminate rape.  But I do know the more we make the woman body so taboo, the more we give others the ability to have power of it.  Because when you make something untouchable, or make it to where it needs to be covered, it gives more people a reason to want to take advantage of it.  People that are searching for power take things that are cloaked in fear and they use it.  They use it to gain power.

Everyone knows that rape isn't about sex.  It has nothing to do with the physicality of it.  It's about power.  It's why people rape people.  Because it makes them feel powerful because they were able to take something that isn't theirs. 

THE ONLY REASON WHY WE CALL WOMEN SLUTS BECAUSE OF THE WAY THEY DRESS IS BECAUSE OF THE TABOO WE PLACE ON FEMALE SEXUALITY.

And taboo is just bad people.  Look it up.  Do your research.  Anything that is considered taboo, people are drawn to because it's something you aren't suppose to do or like. 

All I'm trying to say is just let your boobies show.  You know? You want to walk around with cleavage showing, do it.  If you want to wear short shorts, do it.  You should be able to wear whatever you want.  Rock it.  Because you aren't a slut.  Or whore.  Or hoe.  Because the body is just a vessel.  It's a vessel for a soul.  The body.  Your clothes.  It says nothing about who you are on the inside.  The soul is what we should be looking at.  That's what we should be trying to see. 

Stop with the words.  Stop with thinking that dressing a certain way makes you a certain way.  It's part of why America is screwed.  Those are ideologies of a "Don't Get Raped" culture.  Showing skin doesn't mean that you can take advantage of me, or disrespect me.  No.  I dress this way because I want to.

And you, you should act like a decent human being.  It's as simple as that. 

We are Everywhere

Recently, I've been working on creating a short film.  It's a dystopian feminist short that deals with rape, image issues, choice, and fear. 

Yesterday, we were doing callbacks for it.  Without meaning to, we had scheduled the hard scenes first.  We started by auditioning men for the part of Adam. He is suppose to be symbolic of my own attacker, and it was a lot harder for me to watch than I thought it would be.  I found myself sitting with these horrible, uncomfortable emotions.  And then I started finding similarities between my attacker and them.  The color of his eyes.  The way he walked.  I watched them speak lines that I wrote, and it wasn't until that moment I realized how much I still feared that man.  Sometimes you write things subconsciously without realizing what you are really saying.  I wrote my fear, and I was watching it take form. 

After that scene, we auditioned boys for a part in the script that is suppose to juxtaposition Adam.  His name is Robert, and he's the only redeeming man in the short.  In his scenes, he gives Lilith choice.  He shows her what love can be, and I wrote it with her loving him back.  But when we acted out the scene and came to where I told him I loved him, I realized how unbelievably hard it was.  How I really had to search deep within my heart to allow him in.  To allow myself to say, "I love you," and mean it.  Then when they had all left, I broke down.  I broke down in that little tiny audition room because I was finally coming face to face with my own issues.  How I don't remember the last time I truly allowed myself to love anyone, really.  Not platonic love.  Real love.  Love that breaks walls.  Love that leaves you completely vulnerable.  I had forgotten all of that. 

What was even more heartbreaking, though, was I realized that if I wanted to do this short justice, I'd have to go to some deep dark scary places that I am not ready for. 

Why I'm telling this story, though, is because something happened very beautiful after that.  The last people we auditioned were older women.  In my short, there is a woman that saves Lilith.  That holds her and gives her hope.  That gives her freedom and heals her heart.  So there I was, crying in that audition room and in walks this woman.  A beautiful older woman with this strong presence, and she looked at me and said "What's wrong, baby?"  I shrugged her off.  "Getting into character," I said and laughed.  And she came over to me and put her hand on my back, and she just started talking to me.  She wanted me to know that when the day is over, I needed to walk away from Lilith.  I needed to release her.  Tell her she can't stay here any longer.  That we did the work, but that's the work. 

And then she talked about pain.  About rape.  About abuse.  She talked about all of these things with such empathy and courage that slowly I felt my heart being patched up.  We did the scene then, and again it was like I was listening to the words I had wrote for the very first time.  And I really tried to listen because those words were my own self telling me that it was okay. 

When it was over, she said something to me which is why I'm writing this post in the first place.  I hope it helps women just like it helped me.  She said when you get home, I want you to do something for me.  I want you to find a place inside yourself.  A physical place she said.  Maybe it's close to your heart or under your ribcage, but I want you to find one.  That place, and it may be tiny, is the place where no one has touched.  It hasn't been abused.  It hasn't been raped.  It's hasn't been invaded.  It's your place, and she said to let it breathe.  To take in a deep breath and fill it up with air.  Let it go, she said. 

And I did.  I looked inside myself and I found that place.  And I don't know if she believes this or not, but I think that place for us, is where the love for ourselves lie.  It's where our soul lies.  And it was tiny and little, but I let it breathe.  I knew it was safe where it was.  I knew it was mine.  I knew no one had hurt it, and no one would ever hurt it, and I let it breathe.  I gave it freedom.

As she was leaving, she looked at me, and she said, "Did you know 1 in 3 women have been sexually assaulted?  And it's sad, but know that you aren't alone." 

And she left.  And I realized that I was talking to another 1 in 3. 

We are everywhere, my friends, and we are learning to heal. 

Mallory, myself, and Lenore are starting this blog because we want to help women.  Discuss womanly issues.  Give our opinions on what's it like to be a female in this society.  We hope that you can find some connection with it.  Maybe get some laughs.  Change your mind on something you once didn't really understand. 

But I hope most importantly, it makes you realize you aren't alone.  We are attempting to make a world better for women, and it might be small, but we are starting here.

Love Always,
Dev

P.S.  My Facebook Messenger is always open for anyone who wants to talk.   Don't hesitate to reach out.